A man who becomes a husband faces many obstacles during his life. Many of the obstacles help to define our purpose and personalities as well as out viewpoints regarding marriage. How we overcome those dictate the of leaders we are in the home.
The story of Joseph provides an example of a man who faced many obstacles and was able to maintain a healthy marriage. Joseph was hated by his brothers so much that they abandoned him which resulted in him being sold into slavery. This first obstacle was enough to create an anti-family attitude that would have devastated any possibilities of a future healthy marriage.
Joseph was sold to Potiphar who was the captain of the Pharaoh’s guard. He became the Potipher’s household superintendent. The Potipher’s wife attempted to seduce him and when Joseph refused she made a false accusation that he tried to rape her for which landed him in jail. This second obstacle would have devastated most men and further reduce the possibilities of a healthy marriage. However, Joseph rebounded and endured.
Once in jail, the warden put Joseph in charge of the other prisoners. Shortly thereafter the Pharaoh’s cup-bearer and chief baker were thrown into the same prison. With the past betrayal by his family and the the Potiphar’s wife, Joseph continued to help people. Joseph helped the Pharaoh’s cup-bearer. He predicted that the chief cup-bearer would be reinstated to his original position. However, he also predicted that the chief baker would be hanged. Joseph urged the cup bearer mention him to Pharaoh, but the cup bearer did no honor his request. Once again, he was forsaken by someone who was close to him.
It was not until the Pharaoh had dreams that no one else could interpret that the cup-bearer mentioned Joseph to the Pharaoh. The Pharaoh dreamt of seven lean cows which devoured seven fat cows as well as seven withered ears of grain which devoured seven fat ears. The Pharaoh’s advisers were unable to interpret the dreams. The cup-bearer remembered Joseph’s talent and arranged for Joseph to interpret the dreams for the Pharaoh. Joseph rose to prominence when he was able to successfully interpret the dreams of the Pharaoh.
The scriptures reveal that he was a great success at saving the Egyptian people as well as his family that had abandoned him. The Pharaoh arranged for Joseph to have a wife for which they had two children. While we read nothing about how he managed his family in the daily hustle and bustle of his success, the way that he interacted with his family that had abandoned him provides an indication of how he interacted with his wife.
In the second year of Egyptian famine, the same brothers who had sold him into slavery were sent to Egypt to buy goods. They were sent to Joseph but did not recognize him. Joseph did recognize them and placed his brothers in prison for three days. On the third day, he brought them out of prison and requested that they return with their youngest brother, who was Joseph’s younger brother, to prove that they were men of good character.
After Joseph’s request, his brother’s spoke amongst themselves without knowing that Joseph understood Hebrew. During that discussion, his brothers were contemplating why they were treated so harshly. As Joseph listened, he has such a great emotional response that he removed himself from their presence. When he returned he imprisoned Simeon and instructed that they can only exhibit their honesty by returning with the younger brother. Joseph returned the money that they wanted to used to purchase goods along with the goods that they had requested.
During Joseph’s emotional outburst, he had an opportunity to reflect on his hurts. He had an opportunity to reflect on all of the pain that his brothers had inflicted on him. After all of that reflection he made a decision to do what he thought was right. He blessed them by not only providing them the goods that they desired, but he also returned the money that they used to purchase the goods. This is not the same case for many men who have faced obstacles and intend to be married or get married.
Instead, we are more likely to react to the obstacles that people have force upon us. We will opt to respond in a manner that exacts revenge. The sad part is that we will take these same patterns into our marriage. When offended by our wives or if we feel that they have become oppositional we will respond in a fashion that is consistent with the dysfunctional behaviors associated with our past obstacles.
- Have you ever felt that your wife is exhibiting distrustful behavior?
- How did you respond?
- Better yet, did you react or did you reflect before responding?
This is a very difficult position for the husband who is called to be the leader in the family. You cannot take the past feelings of distrust that are associated with past obstacles. Like Joseph, you must respond to obstacles in a manner that glorifies God. This includes your responses to your wife and children.
This is the purpose of this book. Great leaders, like Joseph, have the ability to reflect on there leadership. They have an ability to reflect on their thinking and their actions before reacting to ensure a successful marriage. A man who becomes a husband must use the same process to ensure a successful marriage.
The Husband Leadership: Workbook not only helps the husband to identify those characteristics that can lead to an unsuccessful marriage but the book guides the husband through a process where he will develop a plan to overcome the atrocities associated with a dysfunctional marriage which are a product of his past obstacles.
The Husband Leadership: Workbook covers five principles that overcome the characteristics associated with a dysfunctional marriage. In each chapter the husband will study the prescribed scriptures and develop a plan for overcoming each level associated with a dysfunctional marriage. The Husband Leadership: Workbook is necessary because of the present difficulty that couples have maintaining a marriage the does not lead to divorce.
In the United States, it is estimated that 40%–50% of all first time marriages will end in divorce or permanent separation. The divorce rate increases that more time that a person has been married. Sixty percent of those who are married for a second time end in a divorce. Seventy-three percent of those who are married for a third time end in divorce.
Lack of commitment has been cited by many researchers as the primary contributor to divorce. Commitment helps us not get overwhelmed by the day to day problems and challenges. When there is high commitment in a relationship, the husband and wife feel safer and are willing to
give more to the marriage to ensure it’s success.
Husbands who have made a decision to remain committed will also develop a plan to ensure that the atrocities associated with any of their past obstacles will not have a negative influence of their marriage. This is the primary focus of the Husband Leadership: Workbook. The husband will develop a plan for each phase that contributes to a dysfunctional marriage.
Dr. Derrick L. Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08034